Loved By 1 Million+
LUXE Fans

Publisher logos surround a LUXE Bidet, to showcase the publishers that have promoted LUXE Bidet.

List of Publishers: SheKnows, The Daily Beast, Parentology, Consumer Reports, Elite Daily, Digital Trends, Today, Bustle, Inverse, Women's Health, TechRadar, TreeHugger, Good Housekeeping, Health, Buzzfeed, CNET, SELF, Vogue, .Mic, Science Times, Rolling Stone, ReviewGeek, Wirecutter, HuffPost, Fatherly, New York

Conan: Toilet paper has no business trying to battle the mess of a large holiday meal.

Conon: Bidets, on the other hand, shoot a precise str—I for the what happened to me?

Podcast team laughing.
Conan: I'm a good guy. I went to college. I worked hard. I wrote a thesis in college.

Podcast team laughs harder. Conan: I wrote a thesis! I've worked hard for years. I've raised a family. I've never gone to jail. I've never committed a crime. And here I am explaining [with emphasis] how you got to shoot water up your ass!
 
Conan throws a crumpled script. Conan: Ridiculous! Insanity! What did I do?! What am I, some kind of—[voice cracks] I don't understand how this happened.

Podcast team continues to laugh non-stop.
Conan: Toilet paper has no business trying to battle the mess?! Of a large holiday meal?! Do you know what they're implying? They're implying that if I eat a large holiday meal, I just am—my bottom's going to explode?! No toilet paper can handle that!

Podcast team member crying of laughter.
Conan: No! You need a whole other device. A bidet! That shoots water! No more smearing—it says here on the copy—no more skid marks! What happened to this?! Conan: A precise stream! LUXE Bidet—oh here we go—is the #1 best-selling bidet brand. And I thought I had sold out!
Guy 2: Can I just say that it says, people will laugh when they first see it, and we sure did.
Conan: We haven't even seen it!

Laughter continues.
Conan: 3 million satisfied customers across the U.S. and over 150,000 five-star reviews on Amazon. Who uses a bidet and then says, I've got to go give an Amazon review! I've checked back there 7 times. Clean as a whistle! Conan: This is—I'm going to keep going because people are laughing too hard.

Conan: LUXE Bidet offers a range of patented bidet models—oh really?! Including the award-winning NEO Plus Series. What does that do? Yeah the bidet comes and finds you when it's time to poop. [Robotic] I think you should go. [Normal] Really? [Robotic] I think you should go. That was a large burrito.

Roaring laughter.
Conan: LUXE Bidet's NEO Plus Series is the next-generation of bidet attachments with never-before-seen features. That's right! NEVER. BEFORE. SEEN.

Cheers of astonishment from podcast team. Conan: This series features a [breaks into laugh] 360° Self-Clean Mode. Are people spinning around on their ass?! EZ-Lift Design, Fast Slide-in Installation, plus all the same features as their best-selling bidets. [Deep breath] Oh my god!

Conan: Then it says, please talk about what you love about your LUXE Bidet. I don't have one! But this is my favorite ad ever!

Conan: This is a fantastic ad and this is going to go out as it is or it won't go out.

Conan: Get the gifts your friends and family will never forget this holiday season. HEY GRANDMA! WASH YOUR ASS!

Conan: Use code CONAN to get 20% off bidets at luxebidet.com. That's LUXEBIDET.COM and code CONAN for 20% off. [Long yell that trails off] They made me spell bidets!

Podcast team groaning from laughter.
Conan: That airs as-is or it doesn't air.